Assholes, The City Mafia, and Trump

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resras8r at frontier.com



I recently joined an offshoot of AA called Assholes Anonymous. Their founder said, "Some call us assholes "vengeful," but we'll show them all!" I said, " 'Love your $10,000 Brioni suit, Trump."

Since Trump won, I'm starting to think that being an asshole is the only way to win. And I need a win. My city and conspiring judges have broken the constitution and every law to secure McDonald's garbage against my house. They have no mother to tell them they can't do that.

You, my audience, did it! 52% of voters chose Trump to get things done! It's all a matter of perspective, like: If he blew up a country, would that REALLY be a bad thing, --or are nuclear warheads just a fast way to clear land for new developments without a permit?

For sure, Trump acts fast! Where I might clean my house with a cloth and vacuum, maybe I'd clean better with a fire hose: Trump's approach. Obviously, Trump thinks we are quite filthy.

I emailed Trump's press secretary Leavitt, " Does one have to be LARGE to be in charge? I mean, Trump is physically intimidating: 6' 3" and 300 pounds, give or take a few thousand Big Macs."

She said, "We will hold all lies accountable. The burgers you speak of are now called "Big Macs of America." "Especially on beautiful Tuesdays and Thursdays: days which, starting tomorrow, are renamed Tiffany and IvankaDays."

Somewhere in all that "crazy" is a winning asshole strategy that I need to learn from Trump. Trump says, without evidence, that the government is corrupt - I HAVE PROOF THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS CORRUPT! Trump has power and no proof, and I have proof and no power, so we are sooo close to being the same person -- I can almost taste his Filet-O-Fish of America breath.

And asshole brutality works! Trump is cutting costs --costly government insurance policies: in case of disasters, tainted foods, and insolvent banks. It's like canceling home insurance because arson is unlikely at any of your six gated mansions. Even arson at one, you'd have the five others.

All Trump is saying is that you, 80% of Americans in debt and 33% on public assistance, wouldn't need government programs if you'd get your own six gated mansions.

So why do I want to be an asshole. For decades, my home city, let's not call it Everett, gifted oodles of contractors with illegal permits, including ones to my neighbor McDonald's, their garbage, and rats. Did you know the word "kickback?" "Kickback" comes from McDonald's and others who get the City's approval to kick their neighbor's back.

I wish someone had told me Everett was the Mafia. Along with 40 other zoning violations, McD's garbage is illegal against my house. My City blocked every means of fixing it. They know they broke the law. But no criminal organization gives up their partners in crime! There are no salary bumps in that!

So I took the City to court. But, before a real judge could review the facts, the city's fake attorneys wrote a fake order signed by a fake judge saying the City doesn't have to meet ANY pesky laws. True story. True story!

Details at bcornie.com.

It all worked out: the fake order freed my city from ALL annoying laws so they could return to focusing on their essential job of raising taxes and closing parks.

Really! All my City had to do to nullify all laws was to get a false order FILED. ANY county judge can do that! They don't have to read the case or what the law says, hear from the other side, or anything! It's understandable: judges have the same HATE we all have: reading what someone-- other than themselves -- wrote.

And once a fake order gets filed, it sets a precedent! Judges don't read past what another judge ordered. That would be like reading an internet service agreement, when just signing it lets them move on to something fun.

My City was FORCED to commit this robbery. Typically, My City has its paid Examiner judges rule against the law FOR them. The problem is that examiners can only rule against the law on a case-by-case basis. It is a slow process, just like in Jaws, the monster shark can only eat one live screaming victim at a time. My city has 100 thousand citizens. You need thousands of examiners or sharks to eat them all.

It's so easy to get rulings against the law that I wondered, with Trump trying to get NY Mayor Adams off so he can do Trump a favor, why did Trump FORCE an ASSIGNED federal head to break the law when ANY judge can break it? Focus, Trump, start karate chopping one law board at a time: You've got FOUR YEARS to break them all!

I wrote Trump on how my City expedites cheating. Maybe he'll retweet me, and I'll be spared from a possible executive order to deport all Democrats -- and the state of California.

Trump, I've also got a tip: I have rats because McDonald's garbage is 10 feet from my place and 155 feet from the restaurant. So, Trump, if you have your eye on your nasty neighbor's property, build a McDonald's inside Mar-a-Lago, and put the McD garbage right up against your neighbor's house! For sure, they'll quickly sell you their property for a steal! I should get paid for tips this good.

For now, I'm stuck. And I've been frightened of McDonald's rats. Till I started to get to know them. I've now named the foot-long rats Digger, Feces, Crater-maker, and Wire-Chewer. They're so smart: They taught their kids to spring open my 21-catch cages and let themselves out. Yes, really! We now play games daily: I plug their tunnels into my basement and crawl spaces, and the next day, they show me a new route that never occurred to me! Like a real-life game of Whack-A-Mole.

I feed them One-Bite rat bait. If they go through a rat bait cake a day, I know there's at least a family of eighteen under my house. Two cakes: 30 rats. It's an inexpensive way for me to take a census.

McDonald's Garbage has been my house's intimate neighbor since 1993, when McDonald's got my money-starved City to change the zoning. My City was so thankful to McDonald's they said, "Laws don't apply to hamburgers." -- "Hamburgers/ cash cow, same thing."

As much as My City loves McDonald's, it does have a mortal enemy: trees. My City must go to therapy over this fear of green things that aren't money.

Trees are expensive! City employees can get kickbacks if they let contractors build without the law-required trees. And shrubs. And zoning requirements. The problem is, when the City REMOVES laws they broke to hide their previous cheats, there's less possible FUTURE kickbacks. I'm sure glad I'm not The City. That's an impossible catch-22 position.

You may ask, "Why does my City, good 'ol Everett, Washington, look like a concrete junkyard compared to nearby lush green Marysville, Lake Stevens, Edmonds, and Snohomish, which have about the same landscape laws-- unless you count kickbacks?

"I asked my City, "What about the thousands of trees that are supposed to be here?" They said, "We only file missing tree alerts reported by one of the tree's relatives." I said, "Relatives? When I asked some Cedar chip ground cover to testify, they said they'd already been through the wood chipper."

I asked my City, "Why don't McDonald's and half of the City's businesses have legal permits? Why do you insist on continuing to break your own laws and then rewrite them to conceal your crimes?" They replied, "You can't call us all criminals because we haven't even arrested ourselves."

You now get why I see Trump as my template: To catch an ass, I must first learn to think like one.

But being an asshole like Trump might be too much for me. Maybe I should imitate someone less vindictive, like Cruella de Ville. At least that way, I could wear a fancy mink coat and hang around puppies all day.

Or maybe I need to take basic Asshole 101, like from my neighbor James: a lifelong ass. His current fix is turning folks in for parking in the alley daily, though that's where he parks. Daily. Yep, asses love laws -- so long as they can jab them into others. This two-face assholeness is called "Oppositional Defiant Disorder," or ODD. Like, Trump agreed the law said he won in 2016, but not that the same law said he lost in 2020. Most folks who have this ODD condition are jobless --or are dictators. They fit in great as either.

I'm sorry, Democrats. There is no fumigation available for this. Trump was chosen by your beloved country. Trump may be like the incubus who married your only daughter, BUT YOU HAVE TO LET IT PLAY OUT. Play it neutral in mixed company. Call Trump "gutsy." That is, heroic -- or obese. Your secret definition.

I guess the courts are next on Trump's agenda: currently courts wrangle in murderers. The system works, so long as judges are prosecuting criminals,-- and are not one of them. If you catch three judges and two city attorneys racketeering to prevent each other from going to prison --AS I HAVE --well, they work so hard at evading responsibility; they deserve a break from following any law.

Speaking of asses, ever noticed that every other mammal but man proudly displays their asshole? Horses, cats, monkeys -- a mere lift of the tail, and --there it is! Dogs get to know other dogs by sniffing their assholes. One sniff is all they need. If I could sniff out a human as an asshole, maybe that's all the info I'D need.

Yet we humans keep our buttholes secretly locked in pants between two bulbous cheeks. Often, only doctors and "doggie style" get that view. I think calling someone an asshole is a sign of respect, that, even with your clothes on, I know something personal about you.

So, James, Trump, I appreciate that personal thing about you. Let's keep it as just a sniff till next time